The Hardest Part

What is the hardest part of adopting a child internationally you might ask?

The mountain of paperwork?

No.

The flaming hoops we jump though that stand between us and our child?

Nope.

The staggering cost (but God!)?

Nopers.

14 hours of travel one way?

That's a negative.

The hardest part....

....is knowing our son is on the opposite side of the world from us. Waking as we go to sleep, falling asleep as we wake. He's not sitting at our table or sleeping in the bunk bed his Daddy just built. He is so very far away.

Some may wonder how a busy parents of 5 could miss a child they have never met......

Because he's our son.

Just as we longed to hold and meet the children I carried in my tummy, we also have that same longing for the children we carry in our hearts.

The amount of love we have for our children never divides...it multiplies.
It fills to the brim and spills over.
Always enough love to go around.
Always enough for more.

I have fought tears off and on for a couple weeks. It seems like we are in the stage of the process that drags on FOREVER.

In the moments when I feel like my heart can't take anymore the Lord sends a sweet gift our way. An email from our adoption agency made my day. New pictures!

 Oh my goodness, climbing rocks, a boy's favorite pastime. 

 Happy swimming boy. His brother can't wait for next summer!

 Next year sweet boy, your first day of school picture will be at home. 

School with your best buds!

I just looked at the ticker on the side of our blog....someone donated to Benjamin's FSP with Reece's Rainbow!!!! Oh my heart, thank you. 

We just began shipping t-shirts out and are gearing up for an auction at the beginning of October. 

If you would like to donate something to our auction we would be so incredibly grateful. You can email me at jennifer webster 31 @ gmail . com (remove the spaces). 

Please pray for our sweet boy. He has watched many friends leave to be adopted. It has had an impact on him and he wants a family of his own...but he doesn't know about us and can't for quite some time. 

- Jennifer

Run for Ben!

Our very precious friend, Kelli, set up a virtual 5K to help raise money to bring Benjamin home!

Here is her post and details:

The Run By Faith Not By Sight virtual 5K Run/Walk for Ben is NOW OPEN! Running/Walking friends, please sign up and support this awesome event! You can run or walk any time throughout the month of August!

This race will help Ben, a handsome young man who is visually impaired, to be adopted. As part of your registration, you'll also get a rad t-shirt too. (You'll get a separate email once you've registered from me asking for your t-shirt size and mailing address.) SIGN UP!! Post a pic to the race's Facebook page of you running/walking for Ben! And SHARE SHARE SHARE with all of your running/walking friends! ‪

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/run-by-faith-not-by-sight-virtual-5k-runwalk-for-ben-tickets-17772056700

Check out this AWESOME t-shirt!!

Please join us in running by faith for Benjamin!

T-shirt Fundraiser!!

I am absolutely thrilled to begin our first t-shirt fundraiser to help bring Benjamin home! This fundraiser will be helping to raise money for the Home Study fee.

These shirts are made by Fund the Nations. They are a fabulous company that have been incredibly easy to work with and very, very helpful.

The tees are a bit of a nicer shirt than a normal tee. They are the "softer" tee and the fit is a bit more snug that a normal crew neck. If you fall between a M and L...go with the large (per the advice of the company).

Updated: T-shirt sizes for toddlers up to adult XXXL are available!

It is our goal that in 1 month we will have pre-orders for 100 of these shirts!! 100!!! I know, big-crazy-insane number but I truly believe that 100 could be sold. Wouldn't it be FABULOUS if we blew 100 out of the water??? Oh my, that would be BIG!

The t-shirts are a $20.00 donate each. Please use Paypal to send monies for the shirts. Our Paypal address is: l webster 389 @ gmail . com (remove spaces). It is in my husbands name, Luke Webster.

It would be SUCH a blessing if you would help us spread the word about these fabulous t-shirts. We would be so touched if you would share with your family and friends. 

The tees are $20.00 each. If you are ordering XXL or XXXL please add $2.00 per tee.
If you have specific questions that I have not answered here, please email me at jennifer webster 31 at gmail . com (remove spaces) ;-) I am happy to ship to you! :)

The rest of the story....

When I left off on my last post I had some really big questions for God. If you've not read the first part do that here.

I'm the worrier, a bit of a control freak (can I get an AMEN??) and I honestly want to make sure that we always walk in God's will for our family. It is the place Luke and I have prayed about and worked very hard to do since we recommitted ourselves to Him as a family in May of 2010.

God's revelation of our 6th child, our son....our Benjamin came on a Saturday.

Wanting to make sure *we* weren't trying to make things happen because *we* fell for this adorable little boy, I began asking God for a big flashing sign. Something that would tell me that we were on the right track. Stepping out in faith is just that...you're stepping out knowing that God will provide. It feels a bit like stepping out over a cliff....knowing that someone will catch you but that first step...it's a doozy.

Question after question ran through my head and into my prayers. What about funds? What about finding a new home study agency (we loved our current SW!), what about this, what about that? We even need a bigger van, so what about that?

Sunday was on its way and I was needing to be in the nursery. Luke was staying home with the littles while the bigs and I went to church. I don't often hear a full sermon in the nursery...we're not exactly the quiet type back there but I love the nursery, it's my thing. The littles in the nursery are an extension of my heart....it's my happy place so I was happy to be serving. 

I showed up, walked in and expected to get myself settled when a dear friend reminded me that it was her Sunday, I was a Sunday off. I offered to stay and help but she lovingly shoooo'd me to the sanctuary.

This meant I got to be in the adults. Something I hadn't done in months...hello nursery, I love you...hello sick kids etc, etc. :-)


Praise and worship was absolutely beautiful. One of my favorite parts of being at church. You can't beat the feeling that you get when you lift your voice in praise to the God who loves you more than He loves himself....the best.

Pastor began his sermon talking about Moses and how he followed God's direction in spite of various obstacles....followed God's direction...His will....hmmmmm.

As he continued preaching he pointed out that Moses had a lot of excuses and what ifs for God.
Who was he to go to Pharaoh and demand that he let God's people go?
What if the Israilites don't listen to him, made fun of him...?
What if he stutters and they don't understand him?
Then Moses just comes right out and asked, "Can't you send someone else"???

In spite of his excuses and what ifs God qualified him to be Moses: the man of God who led the Israelites out of Egypt. Moses himself was not responsible for all of the wondrous acts that happened in Egypt...it was God working through Moses...Moses just had to put down the excuses and walk in God's will for his life.

The sermon was fantastic and it really did pertain to my questions but I was waiting for the flashing sign. Needy, needy me. ;)

Pastor came to a point in his sermon when he laughed and told the congregation that he had gone through everything in his notes, hit all the bullet points but was feeling that God wanted him to keep going.....

**** Then he said, "I don't know who this is for but God's just telling me to say this." "If God has called you to do something, don't let your worries and what ifs (my words) get in the way." He also said to write down the date because God was speaking.  (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) ****

- - - - - FLASH FLASH BLINK BLINK - - - - - - Here.is.your.sign. Y'all I wrote down that date.

Seriously. The room was full of people but it felt as if I was the only person sitting there. That sermon, the message...God was speaking. I laughed and then I cried. Bawled, actually.

Pastor Nathan had NO idea what God was doing in our hearts. He had NO idea the questions and concerns I had. He spoke what God was laying on his heart and it answered all my questions.

A peace came flooding over me that I can't even describe with words. My what ifs were replaced with a feeling of trust. My worries, gone. At that moment I knew God has surely led us to Ben and he was our son. I shared Ben's picture with my precious best friend of over 20 years...this was our son. On my way home I cried, happy tears. It never ceases to amaze me that God loves me (and you!) enough to speak to us through whatever way possible. All we need to do is listen.

When I walked in the door Luke had a smile on his face. He just knew and he said he had been praying. I told him I would email our agency and ask them pull his file.

No more questions, no more concerns....our son was in China and it was time to get to work to bring him home. 

So, when people ask me how we *knew* Benjamin was our son....

God showed us.

In the beginning.....

A few months ago Luke and I both felt that God was calling us to adopt again. It was very heavy on our hearts and a constant theme during prayer time. *We* have wanted to adopt a few times since our return from China with Caleb and Addi. However, through prayer and petition that was not God's will at the time so we were still and waited.

The funny thing about the past two years is that even with all the crazy (selling a house, building a house ourselves and renting) we would have stepped out in faith had God made that abundantly clear. As God saw fit the past almost 3 years was not the time for our family to make that step; so we waited.

Back to the story...a few months ago God was really impressing upon us (separately) that it was time. One weekend we were chatting about all of our blessings; our amazing children, the home God has provided through Luke's hard work, friends, family, etc. Luke looked at me and asked if God was showing me anything recently. Was he speaking to me about anything in particular? I of course laughed because only God would speak to us separately so that we each *knew* and then bring us together for the ultimate "a-ha moment". I told him what God had laid on my heart but that I had some worries. What if this, what about that...that would be me - the worrier. Luke shared the same revelation and then reminded me that what God calls us to do he firmly supports and when we said "Yes, Lord, send us!" we meant it. ((AMEN! We meant it with all of our hearts!))

At that time there was no real urgency. As we prayed about starting with an agency and filling out our medical needs checklist we both had a feeling that God was telling us to "Be still". So, we knew we were going back but we were to wait for whatever reason and we did.

*When you step out to adopt a child in God's kingdom be prepared for the one who hates to be on attack. It never fails. New appliances will die, your van *ahem* will get two flat tires in as many months, sickness will abound and all around heck will break loose. The wonderful thing about that is you know you are on the right track. Don't stop, don't flip out. Trust that God has you firmly wrapped in his hands. Annoying and bothersome these things maybe...but they are only to make you think you aren't doing what you should. Take comfort in the fact that the enemy will let you know when you ARE on track by his hissy-fits.*

Fast forward two months. We had been waiting, praying and waiting some more. It was interesting that God said "it's time" yet now we wait. We honestly weren't sure why but it's not up to us to know. Through my work and the groups I'm in I see hundred of faces each month...fatherless, motherless, just waiting to be chosen. Although heartbreaking, God never revealed that any of those children were to be ours. Luke and I were looking through advocacy posts and on various online websites to see the children available. We knew that our span of "special needs" was quite larger than before. So many things that *we* thought we couldn't do no longer scared us. ((Caleb and Addi have taught us SO much!!)) We happened upon Bethel China's website. We laughed and talked about how blindness/low vision wasn't a big deal to us. We did say that it would be lovely for Kaden to have a brother closer to his age, a child who could grow up on our little budding homestead/farm, be independent later in life and just be a perfect fit for our family. One of the little boys caught our attention, he was adorable. He reminded us of Caleb but we weren't sure how he would do on a homestead/farm. We moved on and chatted about him from time to time.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a close adoptive Mama friend about what had all be going on. I told her about this little boy who we couldn't stop talking about but that due to us living on a homestead/farm we just didn't know how another child with low vision would do here. That evening an advocate posted this little boy's advocacy blog post. I followed the link and read over the information that I had read before. I then decided that I would see where he lived and who all lives there as well. There are a few different places the Bethel children reside. When I Googled his location I immediately started to laugh...out-loud.

He lives on a farm.

A FARM.

With big dogs, sheep, gardens...a farm. I found additional information about him...he's independent, loves to help his teachers, etc. Pictures of him riding a bike, video of him playing and counting...God had showed us who our son would be.

Why did God not urge us to jump into medical checklists and wait for a referral? Because He had our referral...we just had to listen.

Sunday was coming and I truly wanted to make sure this was God's plan. I had sooo many questions. I was petitioning God for a big "FLASHING SIGN" that we were on the right path. Well, He gave me my sign and it left me bawling at the back of our church. That story is for later.

There is so much more to Benjamin's story but I will stop here for now.